"Thats right gentlemen, I'm a fat bald guy. I'm like 40 years old, and I live in my parent's basement, alone.
Every couple of months I come out to see the light.
My eyeballs burn when I look at the light too directly.
Then I get in my car to go down to the store to buy something.
I hate it so much when my GPS makes me go through the ghetto.
Sometimes I think technology is the reason why god doesn't talk to us anymore.
When I get home with all the tonnage of snacks I had wasted all of my money on, it really pisses me off how I can't hear the television while I chew.
What pisses me off even more is how my ps3 cant be turned on from a distance.
Its very painful when I have to switch the cables on the television.
God I hate how I cant use my laptop on the couch -someone should really invent a levitating government-.
I hate how the government is still acting like aliens don't exist.
I hate it when the remote control gets stuck in between the couch cushions. I hate it even more when I have to get off the couch to pick it up.
I hate waking up so I don't wake up.
I taught myself how to eat lying down. Now I will be the envy of all of my on-line friends, if only they could see me now.
I hate thinking about anything so I just lie down and look at the ceiling.
I love sharkweek."
-A haiku from a fat bald guy